Pleb celeb: The amazing disappearing Kardashian

This weekend, Dubai experienced the ‘Kardashian Effect’.

Yes, that hirsute Armenian/American chick with the large bottom, flew into our fair city and caused what can only be described as ‘Kim fever’.

In fact unless you’ve had your head stuck in the children’s sandpit for the past seven days (quite possible if you are a mother of multiples) you can’t have failed to miss the media meltdown and fan circus that has surrounded this ‘momentous occasion’.

Let’s face it. It doesn’t matter that we don’t know what she does. It doesn’t matter that the vast majority of us over 15 don’t even know who she is. And it even doesn’t matter that it’s mainly our husbands who have to tell us why she is famous (sshhhh! It was a sex tape leaked on the net apparently!  Oh, and her dearly deceased old man got OJ Simpson off a murder rap…) She is what she is – and she gets paid for doing it.

Now I don’t begrudge a woman a bit of media appreciation – especially when her bottom makes my bottom look small in my gym clothes. But seriously guys, something has got to give.

First off, the press coverage surrounding  the Kardashian visit has been obsequious in the extreme, and not even a tiny bit truthful. Take Gulf News. Their journalists neatly managed to gloss over the fact that ‘darling Kim’ was three hours late to her Dubai Mall debut, arrived through the door she was supposed to leave from (to escape the photographers – she’s SO camera shy!) and even managed to make the wrong darn milkshake.

That’s right. The punters had queued for nigh on four hours so that they could see Kim blend up the world’s most expensive smoothie. And what does she make them?

Wait for it….

Banana and strawberry…

Then, to top it all off, she disappears quicker than you can say ‘industrial sized blender’  without so much as a ‘sorry to have kept you waiting so long guys! That was really rubbish of me’.

Furthermore, do any of you know how much Ms Kardashian was paid by said milkshake company to appear for 10 minutes and mix that very uninspiring beverage?

I’ll tell you.

Three. Million. Dirhams.

That’s right. Let’s all say that together again shall we?

Three. Million. Dirhams.

THAT’S RIGHT! THAT’S ALMOST A MILLION DOLLARS!

Something is very wrong with the world when a corporation will pay that kind of wonga to have a fairly average girl with no obvious talent and a big bottom, mix a banana and strawberry milkshake.

But that’s not the end of the story. No. After upsetting everyone at Dubai Mall, the silly mare then proceeded to snub all the loyal fans who’d gone to ‘spend an evening with Kim Kardashian’ at Atmosphere.

The party was held on Friday night from 11pm to 3am, and Ms Kardashian, the guest of honour, was supposed to spend an intimate and cosy evening with a few of her biggest fans. Many of them had flown into Dubai from other countries, just for the ‘privilege’.  And many of them were young and impressionable teenage girls, who were ‘desperate’ to get a photo and a few words with their ‘much admired role model.’

Here’s what actually happened. The Kardashian entourage arrived at Atmosphere at 10.30pm and kicked off the evening in a private area where they refused to be photographed, surrounded by big security guards and legal representatives. Meanwhile the lady of the hour spent the entire time with her head down, glued to her smart phone.

At 11pm, the fans arrived, dolled up and high with excitement. At last they were going to get to party with the legendary Kim… Only they didn’t. Because at 11.10pm, clearly overcome with shyness and the sheer stress of it all, she split….

Gee. Thanks Kim. You’re a real great gal…

So, to the mums and dads out there who think its fine for their kids to be glued to Keeping up with the Kardashians, my dears, I do hope you’ve all learned your lesson once and for all… As that fabulous British newspaper institution The Sun so rightly pointed out, Kim Kardashian might well be ‘a bit of a burqa’ but the real joke was truly on us…

Kimmie’s departing Dubai tweet says it all… CAPTIONS PLEASE!

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6 thoughts on “Pleb celeb: The amazing disappearing Kardashian

  1. I’m over 15…never heard of her. You’re dead right there. Captain Mainwaring would have summed it up well:”You stupid girl!”

    Anyway…very amusingly written. Thanks for the laugh. Made my day

  2. oMG I am NEVER going to watch Keeping up with the Kardashians again!!!!! Husband always tries to turn it off anyway, next time I’ll let him! Love the blog, as always! Am beaming away at work, while seething over her fee and behaviour! My 5-yr-old could make a better milkshake….x

  3. Thanks so much 🙂 But that’s not all – a little bird told me she got paid $100,000 for making an appearance at Sephora, She was paid Dhs100,000 to don a burqua – and Atlantis put her up for free…. Boycott the Kardashians I say!

  4. Just got your piece about furry animals. Great! It’s a story of all parents, everywhere, facing kids and pets. Keep it coming. Made my day again

  5. Pingback: Reality TV in Dubai | Circles in the Sand

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