Ode to DEWA: Merry Christmas!

* Sung to the tune of Jingle Bells in the style of Chas and Dave

Chorus:

DEWA bills, DEWA bills, confusion and dismay,

You can never guess how much they’ll ask you to pay!

Oh DEWA bills, DEWA bills, and the housing fee,

It’s like being connected to a reverse lottery!

Mr Khan next door, he’s nobody’s fool,

He’s got a local landlord and a massive swimming pool.

He’s such a jammy sod, your bills you’d love to swap,

Cos you get charged 4,000 bucks for watering your pots!

DEWA bills, DEWA bills, confusion and dismay,

You can never guess how much they’ll ask you to pay,

Oh DEWA bills, DEWA bills, and the housing fee,

It’s like being connected to a reverse lottery!

The summer is the worst, the bills are at their peak,

You thought you’d get some respite as you’ve been away six weeks!

But when the bill comes in, you fall down in a swoon,

To top it off they cut you off on a Thursday afternoon!

DEWA bills, DEWA bills, confusion and dismay,

You can never guess how much they’ll ask you to pay,

Oh DEWA bills, DEWA bills, and the housing fee,

It’s like being connected to a reverse lottery!

Johnny wants a bike, Susie wants a doll

And her indoors is spending like a pocket with a hole.

With Christmas on its way, you’ve saved a tidy stack

But now you’ll have to blow the lot to pay the DEWA back!

DEWA bills, DEWA bills, confusion and dismay,

You can never guess how much they’ll ask you to pay,

Oh DEWA bills, DEWA bills, and the housing fee,

It’s like being connected to a reverse lottery!

Your bill is far too high, you know it’s all bulls*!t

You go to DEWA offices and queue with your ticket.

But when you state your case, relating your sad plight,

You find out customers in DEWA World are NEVER  ever right!

 

DEWA bills, DEWA bills, confusion and dismay,

You can never guess how much they’ll ask you to pay,

Oh DEWA bills, DEWA bills, and the housing fee,

It’s like being connected to a reverse lottery!

The Ranches have it tough, their bills are all sky high,

But Jumeirah Village folk can’t even get a meter guy.

It really is the pits. This time it’s gone too far,

The only consolation is we don’t live in Sharjah!

DEWA bills, DEWA bills, confusion and dismay,

You can never guess how much they’ll ask you to pay,

Oh DEWA bills, DEWA bills, and the housing fee,

It’s like being connected to a reverse lottery!

Dear Santa,

Please bring DEWA a calculator this Christmas,

Best wishes,

Housewife in Dubai…

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