Party of five

‘You take a look. I can’t…’
There was silence as DH removed the object from my hand and checked it. Then there was more silence, followed by a stifled, rather pathetic whimper.
Oh God! It’s positive – isn’t it,’ I gasped, grabbing the nearest kitchen chair and lowering myself into it.
‘Yep,’ he confirmed hoarsely, bravely clearing his throat. ‘It’s positive alright.’

I’d known all along that it would be. After all, you don’t feel as though you’ve got a combination of swine flu and ME for weeks on end without having a little inkling that something very major might be up. And then there was the appetite, which probably gave it away more to DH than anything else.
‘What’s wrong with you?’ he’d grumbled a couple of weeks previously, as I’d munched my way through an entire loaf of white bread toast (I never eat the stuff) slathered in Marmite.
‘I don’t know!’ I moaned and then promptly fell asleep at the kitchen table. It was 10.30am.

Denial. That’s what I was in, for oh – around three months. After all, if you’ve read any of my previous blogs, you’ll know exactly how hopeless we are at parenting (really quite rubbish) and the very LAST thing we needed was another child to run rings around us.
‘Don’t worry,’ DH patted my back bravely. ‘We might have a girl this time. That would be nice – right?’
‘But what if we don’t?’ I cried. Silence descended once again – until it was disrupted by screams from the other room as our sons started playing a jolly rollicking game of ‘got the last slap in’.

My child-free sister was more upbeat about it. ‘You’ll be grand!’ she said. ‘Everyone reckons the third one just slots right in. And anyway – it’s just SO fashionable to have a baby bump right now. Think about it. Anyone who’s anyone has three kids plus these days. There’s Ben and Jen, David and Victoria, Ange and Brad – and erm, Madonna.’ She knew she was clutching at straws at this point, but soldiered on bravely nevertheless. ‘And – well, abs are very last season…’

I thought about my two past pregnant selves. Morning sickness until week 20, weight gain of an average 2.5 plus stone, ankles to tankles by month six, and then 12 months after both births spent literally exercising my (huge) butt off in an attempt to return to normality. I thought about stretch marks forming on top of my stretch marks – of at least six months worth of breastfeeding, or worse – expressing – because that’s what working mothers have to do. I thought about cracked nipples and the endless months of sleepless nights…. Oh God! The solution was to promptly lie face down on the kitchen floor.

DH came at it from another angle. ‘School fees,’ he kept muttering manically. ‘Three sets of em. Every term… Three terms a year…’ Then this changed to a slightly more immediate matter. ‘The car… We’ll need a new car… Can’t fit three safety seats across the back…’And finally, there was a roar of absolute horror, as he checked through our paperwork and discovered our health insurance did not cover me for maternity. ‘GAHHHH!’

Yes. It’s fair to say that our third pregnancy is still something we’re coming to terms with…

BUT, I’m a great believer in there being a silver lining to every cloud. For one thing, we now have to get a new car – which is wonderful, because quite frankly, I HATE our car. We bought it off some annoying cheeky chappie in Mirdif when oldest son was a baby. He assured us that it was well maintained, and, because we try to be sensible over things like that, we borrowed it for a couple of days and popped it into a garage un-aptly called AAA for an assessment. The said assessment came back claiming the vehicle was ‘sound as a pound’, so we parted happily with our hard-earned cash and off we went. Less than a week later, it stopped working. Completely. We then took it to the dealership who declared it a complete ‘lemon’ and we’ve been pouring cash into the sodding thing ever since.

Currently, the dashboard shorts out, so you can be hurtling along Emirates road and suddenly have absolutely no idea how fast you are going, how much fuel is left in the tank, or if the engine is overheating. The boot door struts have also gone, so stacking shopping in the back can only be a two-handed job if you hold the door open with your head… Yes! That’s me! I’m the red-faced pregnant woman in the shopping mall car park with a trolley full of shopping, two screaming kids and a boot door balanced on her head!

But that’s not all. There’s the sticky back seat belt, which is especially stubborn when the weather is cold (an absolute bastard if, like me, you’re perpetually late on the school run). The central locking has gone completely, and finally, electric windows are  rather like our maid Agatha – they only work when they feel like it – certainly not when you tell them too.

Yes – I really won’t be sorry to see the back of that car – and if it’s taken a third pregnancy to finally persuade DH to part with it, then actually – perhaps that’s not such a bad thing.

The other bonus is that as soon as we told Agatha our news, she promptly quit. We were rather relieved, because neither of us would ever have had the guts to fire her – and if this hadn’t happened, we’d probably have been stuck with her for at least another decade.

So, despite the imminent exhaustion, monster-size bras, back ache, sleep deprivation and cellulite, there are a couple of things to look forward to. Firstly, I really can’t wait to get a new car. Secondly, I get to hire a new maid – and this time, it will be someone who knows how to say ‘yes!’ and smile simultaneously.

And thirdly, well, let’s face it – DH could easily be right. I might actually be able to shop for pink things next Christmas. Now that’s really something to look forward to!


12 thoughts on “Party of five

  1. oh congratulations! really make me laugh..will be saying a prayer that your bump is pink!
    keep your chin are going to be fine! 🙂

    ps: i am 36 weeks so join the club 🙂

    • Thanks Ayda! I’m sure it will be lovely – the gorgeous pink cheeks and newborn smell tend to wipe one’s memory banks miraculously clean! And congratulations to you too. Are you getting a new car as well? 🙂

      • believe it or not, i AM – teehee!

        Just went to view a car yesterday..DH and I need to make a decision soon as i am not getting any smaller and peanut will be here soon – nothing like a baby to make you go buy a new (or used in our case!) set of wheels – haha!

        i have to say you have an amazing attitude so kudos to you..if you have any time, check out my 2 blogs on :

        keep up the great work and keep smiling, luv..


      • Oooh! How exciting for you! Just make sure you don’t get the car checked at AAA – those guys are a bunch of complete cowboys. Hope you are feeling well, and sleeping well. Week 36 can start to get uncomfortable. Are you having blue or pink? I am only at week 16 – long way to go yet! I will definitely check out the blogs dear. Thanks so much for your great support 🙂 xx

  2. Thanks Ayda! I’m sure it will be lovely – the gorgeous pink cheeks and newborn smell tend to wipe one’s memory banks miraculously clean! And congratulations to you too. Are you getting a new car as well? 🙂

  3. CONGRATULATIONS!!! That’s great news! I get tempted sometimes to try for a girl – knowing my luck I’d probably end up with twin boys, lol!!!! Either way, wonderful news and I hope the pregnancy is going smoothly 🙂 My very best to you! Xx

    • Thanks SO much! I know what you mean – I admit I was scared when we went for the scan – I was like – there’s only one in there – right Doc??? A friend of mine found out she was having twins at the same time as me – and in a kinda sick way, it made me feel so much better! 🙂 I’m looking forward to it now – and I’m much better now the sickness has abated. Feeling like you have the worst ever hangover for four months isn’t exactly a moral booster. And, if it’s another boy, well – at least we know what we’re dealing with. We won’t bother redecorationg for at least another decade, and the Thomas the Tank Engine train table will see lot’s more play XXXX

  4. Exactly! I think 3 little boys together are sooo cute – and of course there’s nothing cuter than a baby girl – so either way, it’s gonna be wonderful! Glad to hear you’re over the yucky first bit – enjoy the middle bit!

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